According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
