I want to stick my p in your. b.
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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