Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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