I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
