Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
