i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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