He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
