you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
