apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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