Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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