woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
