oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
