On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
