Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
