Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
