I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
