Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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