dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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