Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
