Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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