remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
