what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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