He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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