1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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