I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
