Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
This couple is walking their pig around campus
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
