Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
