FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
