the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Sorry about my life...
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
