omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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