I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
