Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
