Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
