I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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