I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Randomize
