He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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