I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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