And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Pants are for mortals
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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