I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
