Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
