We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
