you guys were way drunker than both of me
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
