I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Randomize
