we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
