Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
dude. I can hear the air.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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