He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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