I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
