I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
my god I love twenty year old dicks
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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