soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
