Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
