Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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