dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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