Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
