Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
