If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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