Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
