just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
