hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
