my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
