I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
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He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
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Im part way to drunk.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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