I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
