My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
