I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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