did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
