I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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