At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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