On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
