so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
