i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
