I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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