i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Just pee around me
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
