New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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