If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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