Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
