the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
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Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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