There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize